Tales of Adventures: The Unexpected Journey
by Tiger DeRanged
Summary: Bilbo recounts his journey with the Dwarven Company to his nephew, Frodo. A tale of a former treasure hunter coming out of retirement to help a group of Dwarves that didn't know what they had gotten into with the small Halfling they met at Bag End. This is his tale. SLASH! Slight AU
1. Prologue

**DeRanged: I realized that I forgot to post a disclaimer due to how long it's been since I've posted on the site so here it is:**

**DISCLAIMER: I do not own either Lord of the Rings or the Hobbit, that was all J.R.R. Tolkiens doing…besides if I had written them the men would be with men ;)**

**PROLOGUE: TALES OF ADVENTURES PAST**

_ Frodo sat excitedly before the large door that led into his home at Bag End, waiting for the return of his Uncle who had set out not a week before to the Misty Mountains with the promise of return on this very day: Frodo's birthday. The tween had been excited all morning and had even denied his Uncle Bilbo the chance at throwing him a large, typical Hobbit party as Frodo had wanted to spend it with his two Uncles alone. But seeing the sun falling quickly below the horizon had sadness creeping into the tween's heart though this did not deter him from keeping constant vigilance from his perch, his Uncle never broke a promise. The young child kept his eyes stubbornly trained on the path that came through a small patch of trees; and even as fireflies came out to dance upon the air with their partners and the lanterns burst to life in a flash of yellow flame in response to the approaching darkness, still Frodo did not move._

_ The boy's silent vigil was brought to an end only when the round, green door opened suddenly to reveal his Uncle Bilbo cast in shadow because of the light pouring out from the hobbit hole behind the elder of the pair. "Still waiting my little adventurer?" the Hobbit's clear, musical tenor rang out into the night caressing the young Hobbit's ears and bringing forth memories of lullabies in the darkness and tales by the fire. The light of a newly lit lantern beside the door brought Bilbo's face into sharp contrast showing still youthful features with laugh lines beginning to appear and graying caramel hair that fell about his pointed ears in a cascade of silky curls. _

_ Bright, clear blue eyes turned away from the path for the first time that day, focusing their entire attention on their Uncle that stood over them, "He promised to be back today!" the newly made tween muttered, a pout beginning to form on his features. _

_ A warm chuckle echoed about the small garden that framed the ground between the front gate and the entrance to Bag End where the elderly Hobbit moved away to sit beside his nephew on the top step, "So he did and so he shall be, however you must show some patience. Come inside for dinner now Frodo, you know he would be angry if you caused yourself to go hungry in his absence. Perhaps if you eat time will fly and he will be home in time for some last minute cake and bedtime, hm?" Bilbo wrapped a loving arm around the slumped shoulders of the tween. _

_ Frodo appeared torn as he glanced between the open door of their hobbit hole with its seductive warmth and smells of delicious food and the darkened path that would lead his Uncle back home to them. Finally, coming to a decision he gave one last mournful sigh before standing and turning to go back into Bag End to wash up for supper and eat with his Uncle, wishing his other Uncle would be there soon, his shoulders slumped in defeat that he wouldn't be there waiting on his Uncle as __he__ had promised. _

_ A deep, rumbling voice from before their front gate had him frozen mid-step no longer conscious of the warm hand of Bilbo on his shoulder, "Surely I haven't been gone so long that my own nephew would be too angry to give me a welcome home hug!"_

_ With a gasp of concealed hope Frodo spun on his heel to be greeted with the sight of twinkling blue eyes that were framed by braided ebony locks that held streaks of silver and broad shoulders covered in a familiar fur coat. With a shout of absolute joy and delight Frodo rushed down the path to the gate, wrenching it open to throw himself into the broad, leather-covered chest of his returned Uncle. The tween felt a rumble in the dwarf's chest as his Uncle chuckled and this only caused Frodo's grin to widen._

_ He heard the deep baritone of his Uncle's voice and the corresponding rumble in the man's chest as he spoke, "And a kiss from my loving husband would not be remiss," the teasing in the dwarf's tone was obvious. _

_ With a laugh the Hobbit came forward and placed a warm and welcoming peck on his husband's lips, pulling back too early for the other man's liking. With a grunt the weary traveler untangled one of his arms form his nephew, using it to pull the Hobbit back to him for a longer, more passionate kiss. Frodo giggled where he was between the two men that had taken him in and become the closest things to fathers the tween had ever had since his own had drowned in the Brandywine with his mother. Slowly the two men pulled back for much needed air, both their lips pulled up in loving, fond smiles as their eyes met and shared words that no one but them could understand. _

_ "So what have you been up to, my young nephew, on this important day?" the dwarf asked, hitching the young tween high in his arms while keeping one wrapped firmly around his husband's waist as they all made their way through the door that had remained open and into the warmth and aromas of a freshly cooked meal. _

_ With that simple question Frodo was off, rattling about his day as well as the week the man had missed out on while on his journey. He spun tales of he and his cousins', Merry and Pippen, misadventures outrunning Farmer Maggot's dogs with their arms full of the treasured crops. He continued on and on as they washed up and even as they sat at the table only pausing to take bites of the delicious food his other Uncle had prepared and to take much needed breaths between his long winded sentences. He was just getting into his explanation of his new friendship with the gardener's son, Samwise Gamgee, when his Hobbit Uncle interrupted to explain that Hamfast had been bringing his son with him to work the past week as his wife had traveled to the other side of the Shire to help her sister birth their coming nephew/niece. _

_ When the aging Hobbit finished explaining the air was filled once more with Frodo's excited voice and the tween's tales continued through dinner. His dwarf Uncle gasping and nodding at the right points having had years of practice with his other two nephews as they grew up. The gentle Hobbit watched his husband and the boy that had quickly become his son in all but birth with a fond smile as he ate silently, glad to see Frodo in such an exuberant mood once more; the young tween had been slowly getting quieter and more despondent with each passing day of his husband's absence._

_ As dinner was winding to an end both men saw that the young Hobbit would be far to wound up to go straight to bed and exchanged knowing glances that they had perfected with years of practice. The elder Hobbit spoke up softly, standing to clear the plates from the table, "Frodo my lad, go wash up and prepare for bed then come back into the sitting room."_

_ Frodo's face brightened even more, if it were possible and the young tween gave a whoop knowing exactly what was in store. He jumped up from his seat, just barely catching the chair before it fell with a clatter to the floor and was soon seen sprinting out of the room. The only time he was told to go to the sitting room this late was when his Uncles told him a bedtime story and both were marvelous storytellers, even better than Grandpa Gandalf! When the young tween's footsteps could no longer be heard the dwarf was across the dining room and had his arms around his shorter husband in an instant, resting his chin on the Hobbit's curls while his hands rested on the man's abdomen. _

_ The dwarf's One smiled, finally at peace once more, hands still in the soapy water as he cleaned dishes, leaning back slightly into his husband's muscled chest reveling in the sense of safety and warmth the dwarf's arms always seemed to give him, "We missed you while you were away, love," the Hobbit whispered, closing his eyes to absorb the pleasure that came as the dwarf began to pepper kisses down his neck, the dwarf's beard scratching pleasingly about where his lips met the Hobbit's skin, "I couldn't sleep when you weren't there holding me."_

_ "I missed you as well," the dwarf whispered huskily in the Hobbit's sensitive ear, licking the shell as he thrust his hips into the Hobbit's backside, revealing the obvious erection the dwarf held, "but I am afraid you won't be getting much sleep tonight my little burglar."_

_ "Thorin!" Bilbo gasped; he had to fight off a moan as his sensitive ears were assaulted by a skilled tongue and he felt his husband's well endowed member being thrust into his backside in shallow thrusts, aching to have it deep within him. But Frodo was in the next room and would be returning soon._

_ Quickly untangling himself from the dwarves muscled arms Bilbo turned quickly to shoot a reprimanding glare at his husband, knowing it wouldn't work because he was too worked up and his hard on was quite obvious in the worn trousers he had picked to wear before bed. Thorin gave him a sly smile that proved once more to Bilbo that Fili and Kili were indeed Thorin's nephews as the former King Under the Mountain's smile was almost identical to the two mischievous brothers that had traveled with them years before. _

_ "Just warning you my soul," the dwarf said, his voice lower than Bilbo could remember and as a result an obvious shiver of lust raced down the Hobbit's spine. _

_ Shaking his head in hopes of clearing it of lustful thoughts of stripping the former king there and letting the dwarf take him on the table Bilbo went to reprimand the man only to be interrupted by the very tween he had feared would barrel in on the scene of them in a precarious position. Frodo was bouncing excitedly with wide, expectant eyes that seemed to beg them to hurry. Smiling lovingly at his nephew Bilbo gestured for the boy to go into the sitting room while huffing irritated at Thorin and turning his nose up to the dwarf which only seemed to cause the head of the Durin line amusement. Drying his hands Bilbo walked forward and lifted Frodo into his arms and walked into the sitting room, giving a bit more swing to his hips playfully knowing his husband would be watching._

_ Thorin's eyes darkened lustfully at the sight of his lover's slim hips and ample rear swinging tauntingly before him, but he couldn't help but chuckle as he followed the two men in his life he would truly die without. He came to see Bilbo sitting in the loveseat with Frodo in his lap, the spot beside him so obviously empty and meant for him that it warmed Thorin's heart further and he couldn't help but pause and take in the happy sight of his family. _

_ It was Frodo that broke him from his peace by shouting excitedly for him to hurry, the tween really wanted to hear another story tonight! Giving a warm laugh that had quickly become common place when he married the Hobbit staring at him slyly over his nephew's shoulder and when the very boy urging him to hurry to his seat turned those wide, innocent orbs onto him. _

_ Taking off his fur and armor first Thorin was left in his black trousers and a familiar, worn blue tunic that only seemed to make his eyes pop even more. His arms were left bare as he rolled up the sleeves to the tunic and removed his pipe and some Longbottom leaf from his jacket pocket and moving to sit beside his loved ones. When he sat down Frodo wiggled about until he was sitting a bit on each of his Uncles' laps and was snuggled in each of their arms feeling loved and treasured as he always did between the two._

_ "What shall it be tonight my little adventurer?" Thorin asked, placing his pipe aside in exchange for holding his husband and nephew, more like adopted son, closer to him and settling down to begin any tale the little Hobbit in his lap requested of him._

_ The dwarf felt Bilbo's head rest on his shoulder as Frodo seemed to debate over what tale he wished to hear most that night. The silence was only disturbed by the cracking of the logs in the hearth as the fire blazed merrily as it had the first time Thorin had come to Bag End, but on much different ground and with many other emotions but the peace, love, and warmth that filled him now. _

_ Suddenly, Frodo's head shot up with his idea and he grinned as he exclaimed, "I want to know about you and Uncle Bilbo's first adventure together!"_

_ Bilbo snorted from where he snuggled into the firm shoulder of his dwarvin husband, the boy would choose the longest one to tell. Thorin shared his amusement as he let out a short chuckle before beginning to speak, not really bothered as the boy in their laps shifted around a bit to be able to see both of them but remain comfortably in their arms. _

_ "You already know how my kingdom, Erebor, fell to Smaug the Terrible and how my hatred for elves and Azog the Defiler came to be. The adventure your Uncle Bilbo and I went on was to regain my home and my throne beneath the mountain, but I believe Bilbo would tell it better than I," Thorin said snickering slightly at the exasperated look Bilbo had sent him beneath his lashes. _

_ Rolling his eyes at his husband Bilbo looked down to meet Frodo's crystalline orbs and began his tale, "It began…well it began as you would expect it to, in a hole in the ground," Bilbo's voice had a lulling quality that put both his favorite boys at peace as they settle down to listen, "there lived a retired treasure hunter who took refuge from darker memories in his father's home…."_


	2. Chapter One

**DeRanged: Here is the next chapter! I hope this meets you expectations and I dearly hope it doesn't change somewhere in the middle and ruin it all. I am coming back and finishing this after finding it on my computer; if so feel free to review and tell me and I'll try and edit it. I adore feedback, so feel free. However, realize I said FEEDBACK not idiotic insults that hold no ground whatsoever. If you merely want to tear my story to bits, feel free but realize you will only look stupid to me.**

**DISCLAIMER: Once more I do not own these characters nor the original plot.**

**CHAPTER ONE: THE BURGLAR **

A young youth sat before the Hobbit Hole that his father had built for his mother in hopes of impressing the Hobbit lass that had been arranged to be his bride to repay a debt the Old Took owed the Baggins family. The being gave a chuckle as he recalled the last legible thing he had exchanged with his father; the Hobbit shouting after him that he would never be allowed to set foot within the hole ever again if he continued down his path as "an unrespectable, dirty thief". Of course Belladonna Took would stand for no such nonsense, she knew her son had more of her than Bungo in him and was even gladder that he had, and as such had written a loophole in her own will stating that Bilbo be the sole benefactor should both die, thus Bag End was given to the young Hobbit as a place to retire.

Dark memories of why he had retired so early in his lifetime brought tension and an aching pain to Bilbo's chest and seemed to darken the very air around him. The scars that littered his body but had healed long ago gave a twinge in long remembered pain that constantly haunted the Hobbit's nightmares in the darkest hours of the night. The ghostly memory of the pain seemed to haunt him even now in the brightness of the sun's rays that warmed his face, but inside Bilbo was frozen.

Taking a hasty inhale from his pipe that had been clenched in a white-knuckled grip, Bilbo exhaled any and all stress that had built up in the form of a smoke ring. He continued to do this until he was once more distracted from his darkest memories by the smell of Longbottom leaf and his mother's garden that encircled him much like his mother's hugs once had, with feelings of safety and comfort. Letting his eyes drift shut Bilbo pushed the memories once more into the furthest corner of his mind and allowed the warmth of the sun and the peaceful noises of the Shire to soothe him as they always had when he was a child. But a part of him knew he was lying to himself as he tried to ignore the seductive song of the road that called for him to come forward once more.

Suddenly, he was cast in shade as the sun's light disappeared and in an instant his hand was on the dagger that never remained far from his person, eyes shooting open with no need to adjust to the sudden burst of light. He found them filled with a long gray robes and a matching beard attached to a man with a pointed hat of the same color and twinkling blue eyes. Seeing the familiar features of the one man Bilbo kept in contact with since his adventures the Hobbit couldn't help but groan internally. The Istari never visited Bilbo in the Shire without some ulterior motive.

With a sigh Bilbo cleared his pipe and placed it on the bench beside him, looking up to meet Gandalf's eyes head on, "What do you want old man?" he asked, though his tone seemed harsh there was a small, amused smile on his face and a teasing tone to his words.

Gandalf only chuckled, showing no evidence of being offended by the Hobbit's words and merely bowed his head in greeting to the former treasure hunter, "It is good to see you again and in such good health my friend," the wizard told the Hobbit, smiling beneath his beard.

Bilbo snorted, standing and putting his hands on his hips and raising a brow, "You mean not looking as if I were dragged through the underbrush and animal excrement, with bags the size of my old travel pack beneath my eyes?" he teased, golden eyes alight with amusement and fondness for the being before him.

Gandalf himself gave a laugh, though Bilbo could see the wizard was shocked at the easiness with which he joked about his condition. Until recently Bilbo had been in a deep depression and had not cared for himself. That is until his brother, Drogo, brought along his nephew, Frodo, the baby Hobbit had instantly stolen Bilbo's heart and he had a reason to get his act together once more. The brightness in the child's eyes and the innocence shining there had proven there was still light and innocence in the world, and who was he to not try his best to protect it.

So once more Bilbo had taken up his training once more and had gained back the weight he had lost over the years since his return to the Shire. Now, though his clothing hid it well, Bilbo was in perfect shape and held muscles that many a race would think impossible for a Hobbit as they tended to grow more in fat than in muscle as Bilbo had.

Bilbo merely smirked at the wizard, knowing a light of mischief had appeared in his eyes at the man's uncomfortable shifting. Chuckling Bilbo spoke, "You have not yet answered my question Gandalf, what do you want? It is not often you come to the Shire with no party or invitation to speak of," the Hobbit said, growing serious.

Gandalf leaned on his staff, looking down at Bilbo in all seriousness now, "I am looking for someone to share in an adventure," he said, tilting his head slightly to stare at Bilbo.

The Hobbit nearly choked on his saliva, heart beating quickly against his ribs. The bigger part of him, the Took side, was singing in joy while the side of him that still hurt from his last adventure balked instantly. Turning to busy himself, Bilbo pulled his mail from his box next to the gate, unwilling to meet Gandalf's eyes just yet. Could he do this? Would he be able to face an adventure once more, with the darkness of his last adventure still hung over him?

Looking uninterested through his mail Bilbo continued to think over it….bill, bill, letter from Drogo, bill, Lobellia _blargh_, and _look at that_ another bill. Coming to a decision, Bilbo looked up to meet Gandalf's eyes.

"I can't my old friend, I'm afraid the nightmares of my last adventures still leave shadows on my memories of them and I retired long ago," Bilbo said in a low voice that held the pain of the memories that fought once more to be released from the corner of his mind where he had shoved it.

He saw the regret and compassion that flashed in Gandalf's eyes in response to his pain. Turning without waiting for a response Bilbo picked up his pipe and climbed the stairs to his round, recently painted door. He remembered painting it to cover the slanderous and filthy words painted there by bitter Hobbits that had wished he had stayed away from the Shire with his "unnaturalness".

When he entered he set about busying himself within his hole, oblivious to the character Gandalf carved into his door, knowing that the only way the Hobbit would heal from his ordeal was to get "back in the saddle" as they say.

**1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1-1**

Bilbo sat with his back to the fire in his dining room, a plate of fish before him with a few vegetables and rice beside it. His mind was filled with what had happened in front of his front gate, did he make the right decision in turning Gandalf down? He shook his head, he had retired for a reason and he would not step back on his word! The traitorous voice of his Took side that sounded eerily like his mother told him how like his father he was becoming causing Bilbo to fight off a shiver of revulsion as he went to take a bite of his third meal that day.

As he went to take a bite he was interrupted by a knock on the door. Curious and wondering who would be visiting him so late at night Bilbo stood and tightened the robe he wore to cover his bare chest to hide the tattoos and scars there in case it was one of the Hobbits there to antagonize him once more. Opening his door he was shocked to see a dwarf standing there in furs and full battle regalia proving Bilbo's assumption that he was a warrior for his people.

Turning dark eyes on him, Bilbo saw the cursory glance the being gave him and knew the dwarf was unimpressed. The thought stung his pride a bit but he quickly pushed it aside, even better they underestimated him!

"Dwalin at your service," the dwarf said in his people's typical greeting, bowing slightly at the waist to the Hobbit standing in the doorway.

Sighing, Bilbo bowed as well placing a closed fist over his heart in the typical warrior greeting of the dwarves, "Bilbo Baggins and yours and your families Master Dwalin," shocking the dwarf at the Halfling's knowledge of his people's culture, "would you like to come in?"

Bilbo wanted to hit himself over the head for inviting the dwarf in and not turning him away as he had originally planned but he could see the dwarf had traveled far and was worn. His heart swelled with the compassion for the warrior, he would offer a place to rest for the dwarf and any of his companions that might show up if Bilbo's gut instinct was still as right as it had been in his youth. Dwalin pushed in removing his furs and throwing it at the Hobbit, stomping in and spreading dirt and mud everywhere, but Bilbo bit back his instinct to rip into the dwarf. The more they underestimated him the better the likeliness they would leave him alone.

A few hours later Bilbo found himself wishing even more that he had turned the dwarf away when he had the chance as he watched Bag End invaded by a band of rowdy dwarves with no respect or thought to their host's protests as they raided his pantry and kitchen. However, his glare was mainly for the twinkling wizard who looked about the scene merrily, he was retired dammit and would not put up with any more adventures!

Once again the Took voice, his mother's sly tone whispered in his mind, "And now you resort to lying to yourself my little hunter," it teased playfully.

_Oh do shut up_ Bilbo bit back petulantly knowing it was true no matter how much he wished it wasn't.

He was brought from his musings when he saw Gandalf's attempt to approach him only to be intercepted by one of the four dwarves that had shown him any sort of manners, Ori. The young dwarf approached him nervously, eyes cast down that instantly endeared him to Bilbo as he reminded the Hobbit so much of Drogo when they were young tweens running about.

"Excuse me, but what should I do with my plate?" the young dwarf asked, shyly while peeking up at Bilbo through his bangs.

Before Bilbo could answer however, Fili interrupted him and took the plate from Ori and tossed it to Kili who bounced it about like a hacky-sack and bounced it into the kitchen. Soon enough his father's dishes were flying through the air and Bilbo felt a fond amusement for the raucous bunch that filled the hole. Soon a crude beat had been made as four of the dwarves banged their fists on the table and grazed the forks against each other, the dwarves deep voices raising and harmonizing into a playful song that nearly caused a laugh to bubble form the Hobbit's chest.

The words filled him with amusement as he imagined his father's face if he heard what the dwarves threatened in the song. Suffocating the Baggins in him that had been beaten there by many in the Shire he allowed his Took side once more to rise dominant in him, shown when he seemed to gain a glow and a twinkle in his eyes that none of his guests noticed but for the wizard who grinned happily. Bilbo Took would soon be back and Middle Earth would be the better for it as would their company.

Bilbo stumbled into the kitchen only to be grin knowingly to see all the dishes stacked neatly and sparkling with their cleanliness; he recalled easily from his journeys that while dwarves caused a right mess with their parties they were honorable and kind enough to clean up after themselves. The Hobbit wished his people could claim the same, but other than the Tooks and Brandybucks the other Halflings left it to the host of the party to clean up after their merry making. As the dwarves around him laughed uproariously Bilbo hid a small smile of his own, this company was quickly endearing themselves to him.

Suddenly, a firm knock to his door left the hole eerily silent and a tension settled over them all causing Bilbo to raise an amused brow. Gandalf was the one to speak, "He's here."

_Well that was ominous, the bloody drama queen_ Bilbo snorted mentally, staring after the wizard fondly as he followed the gray wizard into the front hall to see who it was this time at his door. The Hobbit felt the breath leave him at the sight of the gorgeous being standing resplendent in rich furs and braids scattered through long, silky looking ebony hair and beard. His eyes were the purest blue Bilbo had ever seen and held so many secrets that seemed to urge the former treasure hunter to dive into their depths to discover what they kept hidden.

As the kingly-looking dwarf spoke Bilbo couldn't fight the shiver of desire that raced down his spine at the deep, rumbling tenor, "I thought you said it would be easy to find," he said to Gandalf, stepping inside the hole, "I lost my way twice. I wouldn't have found it at all if not for the mark on the door."

Mark. On. The. Door? Bilbo tore his eyes away from the gorgeous being that had just entered his home to turn furious amber eyes to the Gray Istari who seemed to sense his wrath as he took a step back, hitting his head on one of the beams. Ignoring their audience, Bilbo stalked forward with a dangerous aura surrounding his small form, impressing many of the dwarves watching, "Gandalf," the Halfling's voice was pleasant and filled with joy that only seemed to make the once warm air in the hole turn freezing while he kept a pleasant smile on his face though his eyes were fiery in his anger, "if you do not remove that mark from my freshly painted door I will shove your staff so far up your ass if will take a millennia to remove, do I make myself clear?"

The dwarves watched Gandalf, a powerful wizard, cower away from the small Hobbit though the Halfling never raised his voice once, "Now Bilbo, my friend-," Gandalf began in a timid plea only for his nervous attempts at speech to be cut off by the unimpressed rise of the Hobbit's brow, "I have been lenient with you Gandalf the Grey. I have fed and sheltered guests I had no idea were coming and invited them into my hole with nothing but courtesy only to be met with insults to my family and desecration of my furniture in return. If I request that you remove the mark you placed upon my entrance without my consent, you will do so without so much as a peep," Bilbo's voice was firm and held a power that impressed even Thorin, "I will count to three."

"Now Bilbo I will not stand to be treated like a misbehaving child! I-," Gandalf blustered only to be cut off by Bilbo's strained voice, "One."

Thorin Oakenshield watched in respect as the small, seemingly unobtrusive creature before him made the great wizard of their company cringe and jump into motion to remove the mark on the round, green door of Bag End. He glanced around to see shame on some of his company's faces that caused irritation to rise within him only for it to disappear when he realized he probably would have been just as disrespectful to the Hobbit had he not seen the being stand up to Gandalf without a flinch or flicker of the eye to speak of fear. With a sigh he came to a decision, allowing his voice to cut through the silence that had fallen over the foyer with the Istari's disappearance outside.

"I apologize for the insult my company has dealt you Master Hobbit. Should you seek retribution I will gladly offer myself to serve their punishment," he said in ceremony, bowing at his waist, shocking many in his company at his show of respect for the small being that owned the hole.

Looking up through his lashes to see the Halfling's reaction, Thorin was shocked to see the man's features soften and even smile at him, "Your company offered forth no insult that has not already been uttered within these walls by my own people," his voice was a soft, musical tenor that sent a jolt of some unknown emotion down the king's spine, "and their signs of shame are enough retribution for me."

Then Thorin was even more shocked when the Hobbit bowed as well, finishing the dwarfish ceremony perfectly. When they both stood straight once more the dwarves were all left staring at the Hobbit before them in unveiled amazement, who was this amazing creature? They were even more shocked when the man's eyes twinkled with mischievous amusement and he winked, "I suppose it would be rude to lock the old man outside, wouldn't it?" he mused playfully, knowing perfectly well that Gandalf had just entered behind him.

"I now remember why I held a sense of irritation when I thought of you my friend," the old wizard muttered, pouting playfully back at the Hobbit.

Bilbo only smirked smugly at the Istari that stood before him; he would not be making this easy on the old man. He may not enjoy retirement as much as he tried to let on but that didn't mean he liked anyone trying to force him from it.

His attention was drawn to the wizard once more when the old man bowed his head lightly and spoke, "I do apologize though Bilbo, but retirement never suited you," the twinkle was back in the man's eye.

In a moment Bilbo mocked affront, "I do believe you called me fat," he exclaimed exaggeratedly, turning to Fili who had come to stand nearby he asked, "Did you get that as well, or am I just being a blustering idiot?" he asked, the twinkle in his eye was familiar to Fili who had gotten in enough mischief with his brother to know the look.

With a wide grin the blonde dwarf nodded mock sagely, "Aye, I got the same message Master Boggins," Bilbo chuckled at the mispronunciation of his name.

Kili quickly added his two cents, unwilling to be left out of such fun as he draped himself casually over his older brother, "I must agree with my brother on this one Master Boggins, Gandalf did indeed imply that you were fat," he said, shaking his head in over-exaggerated disappointment.

Bilbo bit back a snort and caught sight of the youngest of the party, Ori, looking lonely and quickly turned to include the young dwarf, "What of you Ori?" he asked, addressing the dwarf by his name shocking most of them there.

The young dwarf's eyes shone brightly with the attention and Bilbo knew he would soon be very close to these three dwarves in particular, "I believe he also implied you were lazy Master Boggins," the dwarf giggled at the exasperated look on the Hobbit's face at their reference to him as Boggins, but the fond twinkle told Ori he didn't mind overly much.

Giving a dramatic gasp Bilbo turned to Gandalf in mock outrage, amber eyes twinkling merrily in a way the wizard hadn't seen in decades, "Gandalf, how could you be so rude?!" the Hobbit skillfully summoned tears and a hurt expression.

The Istari began spluttering, unsure of how to handle this situation that had been so expertly turned upon him. Soon Bilbo could no longer hold back as he burst into melodious laughter, the other dwarves soon joining in even Thorin. This Hobbit truly was an amazing creature.

"Retirement definitely does not suit you as it has made you ruder over the years," the Istari muttered with a mock pout, eyes twinkling happily to see his old friend return to how he had been before the betrayal.

Bilbo, who was coming down from his laughter, merely offered a raised brow and an elegant snort, "Please Gandalf, you talking to the one who called you a barmy codger before he knew what such words meant," the Hobbit teased his friend, feeling a warmth and liveliness he had forgotten he could have after what _she_ had done.

This time it was Gandalf that burst out into deep, full-belly laughs, remembering the small little Hobbit lad that had crawled up to him and stared at him with wide, wise amber orbs only to call him those very words in a cute, childish voice. Belladonna had never let him live that down, and when Bilbo was old enough neither had he. Bilbo merely smirked before clapping his hands together and startling the dwarves from their respective musings.

"Now," here he turned to Thorin and bowed deeply at the waist, "Bilbo Baggins at your service," there was a devious twinkle in the small beings glowing orbs that sent an unknown sensation down Thorin's spine.

Thorin quickly gathered his wits enough not to allow his jaw to drop to the floor as it wished to in his shock and promptly offered a bow of his own with a fist over his heart, thought more shallow and regal, "Thorin Oakenshield at yours and your family's, Master Baggins," the King responded, deep voice kind and soft surprising many there. Their King accepted this Halfling?!

Bilbo's eyes widened as he came to realize just what Gandalf wanted to bring him out of retirement for. The darkness that he usually kept under heavy lock and chain in the back of his mind rattled its cages. Remaining silent on this matter (for now, until it was confirmed) Bilbo spoke in a far more respectful tone, "Had I known I would be hosting royalty, I might have tidied up a bit," the Hobbit teased the King before him, not at all intimidated.

He had many a ruler in his adventures and was a good judge of character. This King had loyal subjects that looked to him as family from what he could glean from the Company around him. And if they were going to do what he thought they were, than it spoke much of their own character as well, not just the King's.

Thorin froze before offering the Hobbit a wry smile, "I feel I should begin getting used to you shocking me, Master Baggins, as it seems to be your calling card," the Dwarf said, amused while his blue eyes twinkled.

Bilbo offered a cheeky grin, "Perhaps, Majesty, you just might. Now, I doubt you ate on your journey so let's get you and your Company settled in the kitchen so you may discuss what you came to discuss comfortably," his manner was authoritative and stern, brooking no arguments as he ushered everyone back to their seats. Once he was sure they were all settled, Bilbo entered the kitchen and managed to scrounge up a decent plate for Thorin as well as a full tankard to wash the meal down with.

When he re-entered he heard them discussing the Dwarves of the Iron Hills and couldn't help but scoff. While most Dwarves were honorable beings, Dain and his brood had grown greedy and lazy in their time in the Iron Hills; frankly he wasn't surprised they had denied Thorin's request. They had become cowards and arrogant since long before the Fell Winter, having denied the Old Took's request for aid then as well.

Placing the plate down in front of Thorin he met the weary blue eyes with determined amber, "Eat Majesty, no more talk until you've had a least two plates," his voice was firm, but kind before he turned on Thorin's Company, "And you lot will keep your mouths shut until he has eaten. I gave you all peace while you ate, you will do the same for your leader," the 'or else' lay thick in the air.

Gandalf, knowing the young Hobbit was not to be trifled with withdrew his pipe from his robes, content to wait until Thorin had finished his meal. However, before he could light it with his finger his hand was smacked sharply by a glaring Hobbit, "Gandalf, my mother may be gone but I still abide by her rules and I ask you do the same. If you wish to smoke you can either step outside or go into the sitting room. Otherwise kindly keep that away from the dinner table," the Hobbit said calmly, as if he hadn't slapped the powerful Istari's hand as if he were a misbehaving child.

Looking at Bilbo sheepishly through his thick brows, Gandalf tucked his pipe back into his robes and leaned back in his seat, resting his head on the wall behind him. Nodding in satisfaction, Bilbo left the make-shift dining room with one last warning glare at the Company to put away the dishes the Dwarves had kindly washed for him.

They all watched him leave in equal states of bemusement, not knowing what to do until their leader finished eating. None of them thought to disobey the Hobbit; there was something about the Halfling that made them follow his orders much like they would Thorin's own. Thorin, though equally bemused, was grateful to the small creature for allowing him peace while he ate his meal that tempted him with its warm, delicious scent even now.

Ori silently left his older brothers' sides to investigate what the Hobbit was doing; the young Dwarrow couldn't help but be drawn to the man. He gave off such a warm, wise aura that wrapped around Ori and made him feel important (not unlike his mother's hugs had been like before she passed, sadly Dori's weren't ever quite as good no matter how he tried). Fili and Kili, seeing his destination, quickly rose from Dwalin's side to join their friend; they were just as captivated by the Hobbit.

When the three entered they found the Hobbit moving about quickly and gracefully, putting away the dishes they had cleaned for him. When Bilbo saw them standing in the doorway he paused and offered them a warm smile, "Everything alright lads?" he asked them gently, eyes curious and worried for them.

Fili, Kili, and Ori exchanged surprised looks, no one had ever shown such concern when they first entered! It was always suspicion and skepticism. Turning to him they nodded quickly, in sync, before Ori spoke up meekly, "May we join you Master Boggins?" he asked hopefully, "Just until Master Oakenshield finishes dinner," he hastened to add, just in case the Hobbit said no.

Bilbo felt fondness fill him at the veiled hopeful look in the three lads eyes and chuckled, "I don't see why not, though I don't think I'll be that interesting of company, lads," he said warmly, going back to putting away the dishes.

The moment Bilbo told them yes, Ori rushed forward and gathered dishes in his arms, eager to help, "Where do these go Master Boggins?" he asked, a wide grin on his face and some of his meekness disappearing .

Smiling at the lad's helpfulness, Bilbo nodded toward the cabinets closest to the doorway while Fili and Kili rushed forward to help as well. Silence fell over them all but Bilbo could sense that they were brimming with questions that seemed almost ready to burst out; thankfully his patience was something he had grown for his career. Waiting, feeling a large amount of amusement at the Dwarves' attempts at covert glances in his direction, Bilbo contently finished putting away his father's dishes.

"How do you know Gandalf, Master Boggins?" it seemed Kili was the first to break, the dark-haired Dwarf blushing now but still looking at Bilbo attentively.

Bilbo smiled as he moved forward with a wet rag to begin wiping down the kitchen surfaces, "Gandalf is an old friend of my mother's and I grew up with him around. The Old Took is also quite fond of his fireworks," the Hobbit said, smiling in remembrance of the times Gandalf had come to visit him in his youth, "I used to prank him so when he came to visit, it became quite a legendary competition between us," he chuckled.

The young Dwarves exchanged eager and awed looks, "You enjoy pranks too, Master Boggins?!" Fili asked happily, leaning on the small table there in the kitchen comfortably.

Bilbo couldn't help to feel happy that the lads were now more comfortable in his presence, "Indeed I do, Master Fili. It gained me quite a reputation in my youth I might add," here he sent them a wink over his shoulder making them laugh.

"What was one of you pranks?" Ori asked curiously, while he was by no means the level of troublemaker Fili and Kili were, he still enjoyed pranks here and there.

Bilbo chuckled as one in particular came to mind. He put the rag out to dry before turning to face the three lads that had come to stand around the table and stare at him eagerly as before. Leaning back on the counter beside the sink he smiled, "Myself, two cousins, and a friend of mine stole Gandalf's robes as he washed and dyed them the most atrocious shade of pink you could imagine while his hat was dyed yellow. From there we hid his extra robes until he had to leave again, so he had to walk around the Shire in the robes we had dyed," the devious smirk on Bilbo's face was practically diabolical.

The three were lost in their laughter while Bilbo just looked on them fondly. This is the scene that Thorin walked in on, his dishes in hand. He stood there silently for a while, just happy to see his nephews in such high spirits once more since their father's death. That was why they had left on this journey with him, despite their mother and his sister, Dis's, wishes for them to remain in the Blue Mountains.

It was Bilbo who acknowledged him first, "Ah, Majesty! I see you have finished, was it to your liking?" he asked, coming forward and taking the empty dishes from Thorin's calloused palms and taking them back over to his sink and setting them there to be done at a later time.

"It was very delicious, you are a wonderful cook Master Baggins," Thorin graciously said, bowing his head to the Hobbit's superior culinary skill.

Bilbo blushed and smiled, "Thank you, it was one of my mother's more famous recipes," he said with sad fondness, eyes far from Middle Earth. Thorin felt curiosity, but needed the three youngest of their Company to return to the dining room along with their burglar if Gandalf was to be believed.

"If you three are ready, we can begin," he said, voice turning serious and his baritone seemed to deepen, much to Bilbo's pleasured shock.

The three quickly returned to their seriousness and bustled back out of the kitchen with passing smiles of gratefulness at the Hobbit that had allowed them to disturb him. Smiling to them in return, Bilbo began to mentally pack. It seems he would be coming out of retirement. Belladonna's voice didn't sound in his mind, but he felt the smugness there….perhaps he should see a Healer before leaving?

He was brought from these thoughts by Thorin's baritone, "Master Baggins, I would greatly appreciate your presence as well," the King said softly, shocking Bilbo to the core.

Why would the Dwarf want a seemingly bumbling Hobbit in such a meeting? What Bilbo did not know was that the Dwarves had been impressed by his power of the Istari that had started their journey. Gathering himself once more, Bilbo bowed his head in acquiesce, "If you wish me there, Majesty."

Thorin nodded and gestured for the Hobbit to precede him, following him closely to see his Company waiting with Gandalf twinkling at them. Bilbo glared warningly at the Istari before coming to stand between him and Thorin. Once the King was seated Gandalf pulled out a map from his robes and unfolded it upon Bilbo's table.

"Bilbo, if you could get us some more light," the old man entreated. Rolling his eyes, Bilbo walked behind Thorin to grab an extra candle, coming back he drawled, "Anything else Master," his voice was dripping with sarcasm.

The Fili and Kili repressed snorts and snickers as Gandalf huffed while Bilbo smirked, holding the candle over the map to get a better look. His intuition was confirmed, the journey was to the Lonely Mountain.

Rather than say anything, Bilbo stepped back and let things play out underneath his keen eye. However, when they mentioned a beast Bilbo became confused.

"What beast?" he asked, stepping forward to the table once more.

It was the Dwarf with the fur hat, Bofur was his name, that responded, "That'd be a reference to Smaug, the Terrible: chiefest and greatest calamity of our age," his voice was blasé but Bilbo could see the weariness in his eyes, "Airborne fire breather, teeth like razors, claws like meat hooks, extremely fond of precious metals."

Bilbo raised an unimpressed brow, "Yes, thank you for that wonderful imagery, but I do know what a dragon is. And they are quite pleasant conversationalists when you aren't trying to be sneaky…they do _hate_ thieves," he added thoughtfully, arms crossed as he remembered his last encounter with a dragon amusedly.

This was met with shocked silence however Bilbo saw an amused twitch to Gandalf's lips before they were interrupted by Ori standing tall and proud, "I'm not afraid. I'll give him a taste of Dwarfish metal right up his jacksie!" Bilbo could see genuine courage in the lad's eyes.

He stood silent as Balin proceeded to condemn their company and couldn't help but want to beat the old Dwarf upside the head; had he never heard of rallying the troops? Before he could let slip a scathing comment the whole company spoke up with their own opinions much to the amusement of Bilbo.

Finally, Gandalf spoke up and Bilbo nearly choked on his spit. The old coot had known of another entrance to the bloody Mountain?! Fighting the urge to grumble and pout petulantly, Bilbo returned his attention to the conversation when Gandalf shot a glance in his direction. This couldn't be good.

"…but if we are careful, and clever, then I believe it can be done," Gandalf seemed to be finishing some inspiring speech. Bilbo wanted to fight the urge to roll his eyes; the Istari was such a drama queen.

"That's why we need a burglar," Ori spoke up again from his corner, eyes wide with understanding.

Not thinking about it, Bilbo leaned over Thorin's shoulder to glance at the map once more, "And a good one too. An expert I imagine," he added thoughtfully, drawing the attention of all the Dwarves.

"And are you?" the old Dwarf with an ear horn asked (_Oin,_ Bilbo reminded himself), focused on him intently.

Bilbo looked affronted, "I prefer retired hunter if you please, thank you very much Master Oin," he sniffed, ignoring Gandalf's huff of laughter.

"You were always so touchy about your title," the old man chuckled, folding his hands together.

Bilbo gave a huff, "Well, how would you like to be called a magician? It's demeaning to my skill set. I am no idiotic, domestic crook," Bilbo growled, amber eyes glinting passionately.

Gandalf paused, "I see your point," he allowed, looking very much as if he were pouting.

Bilbo nodded his head satisfied with that before turning back to the Dwarves when Balin spoke up, "So you have not stolen anything? You have no experience?" the elder Dwarf spoke up.

Bilbo cleared his throat and placed a nearly convincing innocent look on his face, "I prefer the term temporarily misappropriated, or borrowed permanently," he barely twitched, though a devious smirk broke out on his features.

Dwalin spoke up this time, the mohawked Dwarf looking almost disgusted, "What is your skill set, your experience?"

Bilbo cocked an eyebrow, "Were you part of the Dwarfish Guard or something?" he drawled, pulling a stool from the corner and plunking down gracefully between Gandalf and Thorin. He'd be damned if he stood while the rest of them sat.

Nori snorted, "How'd you guess lad?" he asked, sending a distasteful look toward Dwalin.

Bilbo snorted, "Because only an uptight Guardsman sneers at my former line of work in such a manner," he said, looking unaffected by the tattooed warrior's glare.

Nori snorted, "I like you, lad. Perhaps you could answer Dwalin's question though, because I find myself curious," his eyes gleamed eagerly in a way that reminded Bilbo of the Dwarf's youngest brother.

Chuckling, Bilbo smirked, "Did you perhaps hear of the 'loss' of a large chunk of the Steward of Gondor's treasury?" his asked casually, looking at his nails mock-sophisticated.

Nori's eyes widened, "That was you?!" he asked, falling back into his chair in shock. Every thief worth anything had heard of that job and had quietly idolized the culprit.

Bilbo shrugged, dark smirk coming onto his features, "He stole the vast majority of it from his people. If anything I was merely returning what belonged to them."

The Dwarves began to talk excitedly amongst themselves but Balin spoke up once more, downing the mood again much to Bilbo's irritation, "Lads, he has already claimed retirement (here there was an obvious disbelief in Bilbo's words) so he won't help us."

Bilbo was getting quite irritated, and out of the corner of his eye he could see shadows darkening around Gandalf's form. Before the Istari could explode, Bilbo spoke up in a cold tone, "Perhaps you should ask before you assume things Master Balin," he said calmly, "After all you know what they say about assuming: it makes an ass out of you and me." This was delivered smoothly, shocking the vast majority of the company at the Hobbit's use of foul language.

Thorin, who hadn't spoken up throughout the exchange, finally spoke, "Master Baggins," the King's shocking blue gaze met Bilbo's own glowing amber, "would you become our fourteenth member and help us to regain our Mountain?"

Bilbo features softened and he glanced about at the Company in his home. Whatever might have held him back disappeared, he was no longer retired. Turning to meet Thorin's eyes once more, Bilbo stood and knelt at the Dwarf's feet, "I would be honored to help you regain your home, King Oakenshield, and will give everything I have to the endeavor. You have my oath as a Hunter" The Hobbit ignored Gandalf's gasp and waited for the ritual to be completed.

Gandalf knew that the Dwarves had no idea what was going on and quickly leaned forward to speak to Thorin, "This is a Hunter's oath, once they have entered they cannot get out of it. This is their contract. You must place a hand on his head and reply that you accept his Oath. Quickly." His voice was hushed and rushed.

Thorin quickly placed a large palm atop the Hobbit's silky curls, fighting the urge to run his fingers through the thick locks, and spoke in a deep, power-filled voice, "I accept you Oath, Master Baggins. Thank you," he added, more quietly so only the Halfling could hear.

Bilbo stood and smiled brightly at the Dwarf, "Now," he began, placing his hands on his hips, "I believe going to bed and getting rest would do us all well before we begin our journey in the morn. I have plenty of rooms, though if you prefer to share you are welcome to. Gandalf, I'm sure you recall where yours is, the rest of you can follow me," he said cheerfully, raising a brow as many opened their mouths to argue.

Gandalf chuckled as he stood, quite used to Bilbo's demanding nature, "I would listen to him as he got his mother's habit of never taking no for an answer," was his last departing word as he made his way towards his room in the warm home of Bag End.

The Dwarves grumbled but all stood as Bilbo led them all to their rooms, looking around themselves curiously. They had been unable to see the house as they had been too busy eating and having their meeting. What they saw brought a few doubts in their minds as to the merit of their new burglar. Bilbo, not unaware, knew he would have many prejudices he would face on the road with these Dwarves, but the Oath was binding and he would not take it back after seeing the warmth and happiness that had lit up the King's gorgeous blue orbs.

As he fell into his own bed, with the sounds of multiple Dwarves snoring filling his home, Bilbo could not help but smile. It seemed the King of Thieves was returning to his throne; he would need to awake early tomorrow to pack and visit Hamfast so his old friend could watch his home; Yvanna forbid Lobelia tried to ransack the place again. With these last thoughts Bilbo slept, his dreams peaceful for the first time in Bag End while his ears were filled with the snores, grunts, and mumblings of the rowdy Dwarves he was quickly becoming fond of despite their rough first impressions.


End file.
